the REALITY of what your triggers around physical beauty are telling you AND the truth of what you’re actually craving
Hi my dear one,
I’ve been a lil quiet because I was traveling (stay tuned for my travel essentials for super sensitive babes - it’s coming)
First off, the October energy is all about shedding, shedding the former aspects of yourself and STEPPING INTO your highest version that’s available to you now.
Spending time in the new expansive energy of what you’re ready to become. Connecting and crystalizing that upleveled version and taking actions to bridge the gap between who you are currently and who you’re shifting into. Walking the walk essentially…
This process can be messy, ugly, strange and rough. It requires some internal work of making different decisions than you did yesterday or even an hour ago. I literally had to just peel myself away from mindless scrolling because I’m not meant to scroll, I’m meant to write this to you! And I think I was procrastinating on that…
And I’m a little hungover because yesterday I was SO triggered. God it was hard. One of those days I haven't had in FOREVER. I’ll save you the full story but will share the jist. I was having breast reduction fixation trauma spin. 99% of the time these days I feel fine and well and even great about my breasts. My scars, my surgical history, my story etc. Most days I’m good (and that wasn't always my reality)
But yesterday I was not good (at first)
I was feeling this intense pain around beauty and perfection as “currency” ~ one of my deepest fears and false beliefs is that physical beauty equates to my value as a human, my safety, my ability to be loved, my power, my access to resources.
This is untrue but sometimes societal and media messaging challenges this in me and I slip into thinking I’ve somehow reduced my currency/value as well as my breasts.
I’ve learned recently that anxious attachment styles often make us fixate on our physical beauty as a means to securing safety. I’ve never realized how anxiously attached I can be but I’m grateful I can recognize it for what it is when it’s happening.
Okay here is the shift and the REALITY of what your triggers around physical beauty are telling you AND the truth of what you’re actually craving.
I'm proud of myself because instead of spiraling, I spent time in deep contemplation, self-reflection and journaling. I then was ready and able to have a productive conversation with my husband about my feelings and accept the love and support I needed without fear of him judging me or seeing me differently.
I felt raw and vulnerable and tender but I needed to honor the process. This was another layer of something I thought I had healed coming up to be processed deeper (fucking october)
What I said to him is the essence of what we feel when we’re having triggers around our physical selves:
On repeat with tears streaming down my face:
“I just want to be loved, adored and cherished for exactly what I am. I want to feel safe and valuable, and beautiful and powerful right now.”
He just held me and repeated “you are, you are”
Not everyone has a partner to mirror this, and we need to get into the habit of assuring ourselves and soothing ourselves.
But the next time you're feeling triggered I encourage you to journal down to the essence of the fear, and then share that fear with someone you love and trust.
My fear is that I'm not as beautiful and powerful as I could/should be and therefore won't be as loved, protected, and cherished because of it. If I’m not perfect then I don't deserve love (do you remember that rant a couple of weeks ago?)
And here is the TRUTH ~ you are loved, adored, cherished for exactly what you are in this moment. Because you are here, you are created, you are important, you have value because you exist. Your value is innate, not conditional.
So don’t be surprised if some nasty, dusty, hidden shit comes up this month. It’s all part of your soul perfecting itself, your life purpose becoming clearer, and clearer, and clearer and more realized.
Own it, hold it. Embrace it, breathe love and allowance into it.
I’m ready to step into the highest version of me that knows I am inherently loved, cherished, adored, and safe. I am of the highest value EXACTLY as I am. I’m going to take actions every day to LIVE FROM THIS PLACE and return to it when I deviate.
How does this version show up, treat herself, take action?
If you’ve made it through this winding email, I want to invite you to join CRYSTALLIZE ~ a FREE future vision journaling workshop I’m holding on wednesday October 25th at 12pm EST via ZOOM. To help you crystallize the highest vision for yourself that you can hold, and take actions to STEP INTO THIS VISION! Replay available to all who join ~
