Last night, after an overstimulating week, I found myself scanning for something.
Something to calm me down. Something to numb the uncomfortable feelings that were bubbling inside of me. Something to distract me from actually being with myself.
I found myself thinking, What should I eat? Maybe I'll grab my phone and scroll. Maybe I'll start a stimulating conversation with Chris.
Nothing external was making me feel grounded, and I felt compelled to distract myself.
But I caught myself in the moment.
And I asked myself, What do I actually need right now?
Instead of reaching for food, my phone, or something outside of myself to soothe me, I chose to give myself my own attention.
I'd planned to take a beautiful ritual bath, but the evening had gotten away from me. I'd chosen to go out and see people, which felt important too. Relationships and connection are such an important part of my life.
And rather than needing to do the whole ritual perfectly, I decided to create my own version of it.
I took a hot, hot shower. I steamed up the bathroom, took my time, and let the water cascade down my body.
I lovingly massaged my face and body with delicious oils, giving myself my full, devoted attention.
And here's the important part.
There was nothing corrective about my touch.
I chose to infuse every movement with deep reverence, almost as if I were worshiping myself.
It was incredibly soothing.
And afterward, I felt something emerge.
The part of myself that feels most like me. My true self.
I felt her emerge because I had chosen to create safety for myself. I chose sensory pleasure, loving attention, and devotion over numbing, distraction, and self-sabotaging behaviors.
And I want to offer you two questions to explore:
What do I actually need right now?
How can I stay in loving relationship with myself in this moment?
And if you’re needing support in cultivating a deeper, devotional, relationship with yourself there are so many ways we can work together.
