I met my soul on her table

I met my soul on her table. I came in seeking one thing, and left having found something else. Something deeper. Something I didn’t know I was searching for. 

There was a time that I wanted so badly to change my body. For a little history, I had a breast reduction when I was 16 and for most of my 20s I was deeply disturbed by the scars and the physical/emotional pain I felt from them. 

There was a period where I blamed all my problems on them and focused on feeling “ruined” and not good enough. I would spend hours obsessively researching scar solutions and treatments. I tried surgical revision, lasers, and super expensive creams. 

I even discovered some primitive type of Gua Sha, bought the tool and tried digging into my scars so roughly that they were screaming red and puffy (only to further traumatize the tissue). 

By some grace I stumbled upon an article where someone mentioned myofascial release for scars. I found a practitioner near-ish to me and made an appointment. 

The first thing that struck me was his kindness and expansive thinking. Her knowledge of the body and its healing potential and how she looked at my entire system as an interconnected whole. She held space for me emotionally. She never over-promised but did remind me of the body’s miraculous potential for change. 

The session was light touch and long holds. I drifted in and out of consciousness. I found myself falling asleep and apologizing for it and she said calmly and with certainty “you need the rest”. 

No one had ever given me full permission to rest, and completely receive before. She showed me that self-care and nurturing were essential for my wellness and healing.

And then there was the moment that changed me forever. Changed my life path, career, everything. 

She was holding my head (I now know this as cranial work) and I slipped into another realm. I felt my femur (leg) bones decompress out of my pelvis and my body began to change. It began to release and I felt into my heart space. 

There was this quiet moment where I was no one and everyone. Nothing and everything. I had access to the full spectrum of my being. I accessed the part of myself that had never been hurt, never been traumatized. I came eye to eye with my soul. Wrapped in its warmth. In its completeness.   

I came in relentlessly trying to fix myself, change and erase my history, and left realizing that I was already whole. That the wholeness I was seeking was already inside of me. 

I realized that when I was super upset about my scars, I was in a constant state of stress. I couldn't access peace because my thought process was re-traumatizing me. 

I started to explore further into fascia and its role in the mind-body connection. I shifted from trying to erase my scars, to seeking to integrate them into my being with a gentle accepting approach. 

I eventually created a practice I call “breathing light into flaws” to shift the energy around the things we feel are “wrong” with us and “not okay” (It’s now a lesson within 21 days to high vibe beauty). A practice to take ownership and step into your power as a fully present and powerful being who knows who she is above the physical obsessions. 

Bodywork is in my blood, my aunt has been a massage therapist for over 40 years, my Nana sold at-home saunas and taught movement and dance. It’s always been there but I was too afraid to leave my corporate job and change my path. That was until my father was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and I realized how incredibly short life is, and how we are all meant to follow our life’s path, and when we don’t it often leads to dis-ease and dis-regulation. 

My father passed while I was in massage school and having a purpose/focus was refuge for me. 

And as for my scars are they gone? No! But they are far softer and happier and less noticeable from the gentle emotional and physical integration work. And I no longer leak energy over them or need them to be gone. In fact, if I never had them it’s possible I wouldn’t have found this work that has transformed my life so much and given me so much purpose. 

They’re part of my tapestry. I rarely notice them or see them as “out of place” any longer. It’s so liberating. 

So please remember that your “flaws” are windows into something so much deeper. They are the doorway into your purpose. Don’t be afraid to walk through. 

Thanks for reading this tender part of my story. 

Love, Krista